God-wrestler

I think the first time I learned and retained that "Israel" means "God-wrestler" (I've also heard: "he struggles with God") was my senior year of college. I really didn't like it. I complained to Jeremy at the train station (because I learned the weekend of improv regionals) that God and Israel are supposed to be spouses! Not wrestle each other. Yucky. I hate wrestling. (I do struggle with God sometimes, but again, that doesn't sound like a good thing.)

When I was reading Prayer by Philip Yancey he said some of the people in the Bible who were most richly rewarded were those who bargained with God and got in His face about stuff. God frequently is petitioned and shows even more mercy than He was going to. Yancey (paraphrase) writes that He likes when we ask because it can unleash more mercy on earth. Obviously I can see how this is so in the case of Abraham asking to spare those cities if fewer and fewer righteous people can be found (Genesis 18:16-33 if you forgot). Yancey asks: "Abraham stopped asking; would God have spared the cities for just one person?" Also there's that story in Luke 18:1-8 about the widow who won't stop bothering the judge until he gives her the justice she asks for. My TNIV Luke 18:1 says "Jesus told [this] parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." And there are plenty of others in the Bible too.

Yancey also mentions his relationships with the people closest to him in life, like his brother, his wife, and his editor. About them he says "with each of these people, my intimate partners, I act in a way reminiscent of the bargaining scenes with God. I make suggestions, back off, accommodate their point of view, reach a compromise and come away changed."

Obviously I think it's possible to argue/fight/wrestle someone without love, but maybe there's significance in the fact that they can be done with love, too, and it might be a sign of love to be willing to. It can be really really hard to bring up some things with people, and most of us aren't willing to talk about tough stuff with those we don't know too well. Some aren't even willing to bring them up with friends. But like Yancey says, challenge changes us.

There was also a part I read and was disgusted by. Yancey talks about wrestling his brother in the dark when they were both little kids. And I am paraphrasing this, but he said it was a lot like making love, because you grapple back and forth, using up your energy against each other, body on body, then fall back, spent. I was like, "hello, incest!" but the image has stuck with me for months now. Perhaps because he's right that wrestling indicates a certain closeness. That's why it's far more blessed to wrestle with God than to simply be far away from Him. Sometimes literally.. Jacob receives God's blessing (after having to ask for it) when the wrestling is over in Genesis 32:26-29.

Maybe this is part of the key to the spousal relationship between Israel and God. Maybe a marriage is a promise to keep wrestling and not just peace out when hard stuff comes up, because something of deep value is gained through the back-and-forth of an honest, loving challenge. And maybe that something is the experience of turning into the strong and selfless person you were created to be in the arms of the one you love best.

God doesn't expect us to be good

I think it's self-evident that humanity is inherently evil, but if you are not convinced, here is a Dino Comic as evidence:

Now that that's established, I want to respond to some thoughts I heard in a class lecture by some dude named Bob Hamp.* By respond I mostly mean summarize so you don't have to listen to all hour and twenty minutes of it, and maybe add a few of my ideas.

To set the stage for his message, he refers to Scripture that comes soon after John 3:16. He uses the NASB, which might be why I had never heard it put this way before. He asks his class to fill in the blank in this: ²⁰ For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But he who practices _______ comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.”

"He who does evil hates the light [...] but he who practices ______ comes to the light."

What should go in the blank? a) truth  b) good  c) righteousness

Me, I said good.

I fell into his trap.

The correct answer is "he who practices the truth comes to the light." Mr. Hamp (I don't even know this guy, I feel weird using his name) says that in human economy, the opposite of evil is good, but in God's economy, the opposite of evil is truth.

Thus, he continues, when God tells us our righteousness is like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6), he's not saying it to make us feel crummy, but to give us a realistic diagnosis so he can give us a realistic course of treatment.

He points out that when someone says they are a good person, they are only comparing themself within the human race, like "not as bad as Hitler, not as good as Mother Teresa," but since all humanity is sinful, it's nothing to be proud of even to come out at the very top of that spectrum. And, he concludes, if there's no good in you, and you try to do good, the best you can do is a good version of evil.

Hamp says relatively early on that Scripture doesn't give us a list of rules to follow but a blueprint of how reality functions. Thus, despite our human conclusion that the way to fix evil is to do good, the real solution is not to do good but to come to the light. When we come to the light, God begins to expose what is not him, and reveal what is him, and then life starts to work. What I say about this is that not only does God reveal our hearts at this time, but he actually changes them. I tend to believe that becoming aware of something instantly changes it in all sorts of cases, and I especially think so in this case.

Hamp says what God wants of us isn't that we be good, but that we practice the truth. He says Adam originally didn't have an awareness of good and evil before he ate from the tree, and he goes so far as to say (admitting that it's not supported by Scripture) that Adam even could have done some bad stuff before the fall without knowing it, because he didn't have the Knowledge of Good and Evil, but that it wouldn't matter if he did, because he was living so closely with God.

So once Adam and Eve had sinned, they hid from God, choosing hiddenness over light and truth (hey just like in John 3:20!) Hamp says, "I wish I could go back and tell him, there is no good reason to hide. Hiding is death."

Okay, so basically all of that has been that guy's thoughts. Now for a few of mine. I find it fascinating that I still can fear God's judgment or disapproval even after reading about how he forgives and heals even the deepest and most entrenched and disgusting sins. After reading all the Scripture about how God sees us as beloved children. Yet that fear creeps in, and I admit there are plenty of things about myself I would not want God to know about or see, if I could control it.

But I think maybe the best advice I ever read about making those tough choices about behavior that may or may not be a sin, you're not sure, was this: do not let anything hinder your connection with God. If you don't find yourself able to stop a sin pattern, at least do not add hiding from God to your list of problems. God is not going to be shocked, because he's heard worse, and you can't really hide things anyway, only refuse to discuss them with him. And discussing them with him is the most giant step you can take in the best direction. You can't conquer sin on your own. Trying to suppress your sin nature is like trying to hold a lid down on a pot that wants to boil over. Ouch! And also you're going to fail miserably. To extend this slightly odd metaphor further, God is the one (one as in, only one) that can lower the flame, so ask him about it!

One last thing. I think a few verses in Luke illustrate how God responds to our honest, unhidden hearts, and that moment when we see the truth/see the light.

In Luke 5:4-11 Simon Peter lowers his nets because Jesus tells him to, even though he'd been fishing all night with no success.When two boats are filled with fish, Simon falls to his knees and says, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" Whether or not that seems like a random comment in that context,** I think it reflects our natural response to our sin-- hiding from God, distancing ourselves from him. Instead of crying out, "Go away from us, Lord!" Adam and Eve just hid instead. But Jesus, instead of being like, "Okay Simon, you're right, catch ya later," he says, "Don't be afraid, from now on you will fish for people," or put another way, he entrusts him with a super important task whereby saying, "I want you for my team." He sees the worth in Simon. It was Simon's right view of things that unlocked this response.

So: we can't do good, but what God asks from us instead is for us to come to him and see the truth and live out the truth [live out= acknowledge in all our ways]. Once we do that, God takes care of the goodness. All the goodness is his anyway.

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*It's a sermon I heard here: http://gatewaypeople.com/ministries/freedom-kairos/media1 almost at the very bottom of the page, it's called "The Hidden Heart." I think it starts mid-sentence and talking about something random, just go with it.

**It does to me. Maybe someday it won't. I love how the Bible can be a gift you keep unwrapping.

Dirty Jokes and God in Nature

I've always loved the metaphor of God illuminating the universe the way the sun illuminates earth. We'd be hopeless and lightless without Him, and He gives us life so naturally that we take Him for granted at times. Also there is not one thing we could do to stop Him from giving to us, though we could build somewhere we could hide in the shade, though we'd do that by the light of the sun, aka by the life and creativity He shares with us. Then there are places like caves that are not man-made but are naturally ways to escape the light, or, like, places we could go that are not conducive to receiving light and life. But that's a digression. The thing I hadn't thought of before is that nighttimes are not an accident. It's not as though something has gone horribly awry each night and we need to panic. Because the sun always comes up again, we simply trust that it will the next morning and sleep in peace.

If God seems distant for a time, that doesn't mean that we need to freak out and start trying to "relight the sun" by our own power. There are just different seasons for different things. We need to live and trust as though He's going to come back, because He will. Even on cloudy days when the sun is hidden, it's still the way we can see everything, even if we can't see it. And lastly, the moon gives light on most nights, but the moon is only reflecting the sun.

I see this-all (God sort of resembles self-evident things we can understand) as related but not the same as Romans 1:20 (NLT:) For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

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Now for dirty jokes. First of all, I think those are the funniest jokes. But I had a great conversation today that made me rethink some stuff. I went to a public high school, and because of that, I am aware of some humor that many home-schoolers (or people raised in a really restrictive home environment) will never understand (this is not me being sassy, it's a fact). This humor almost certainly falls under the category of coarse talk and foolish joking (Ephesians 5:4). I used to be proud of how I could get almost any joke, no matter how gross, proud of how I knew the normal definitions on urban dictionary (there's plenty of stuff on there that no one ever actually uses, so you can't blindly trust it) and was conversant in how to use them. The reason is because it seems more sophisticated, and, well, intelligent, to be able to understand, and furthermore, appreciate, a higher percentage of what's being said. In a way, I would pity those who didn't get it. A whole world out there they didn't understand, and didn't know they didn't understand.

The friend I spoke to today said something like, one's purity of heart may mean that they understand a smaller percentage of the jokes being made around them. This started me thinking, but better yet, they told an improv story. (Names omitted) She said a visiting university's improv troupe, for whom usually no subject was off limits, did a show at a Christian college. The Christian improvisers warned the visitors, "okay, you have to be squeaky clean here, you can't just say anything" and the visitors agreed. During the joint show, the normally-dirty improvisers had no idea what subjects were okay, so they challenged themselves to stay way away from anything slightly controversial. My friend thinks they were even funnier than the Christians who were fluent in the boundaries and stepped quite close to them, knowing what was fine and what wasn't.

Normally I am not huge on risks and challenges but something about the use of the term "challenge," really... reshuffled my mental cards on this matter (Ha. I've never used that metaphor before, or even heard it, ever, but it's exactly what I mean). Maybe being dirtier is not a sign of being smarter, but a sign of being lazier. Maybe you are not more sophisticated if you get more jokes, but instead you're less discerning. Maybe you're avoiding the real challenge, not rising to one.

After all, we call them dirty jokes, and dirtiness is another of those natural things that are self-evident and easily understood. What's harder, to stay dirty or to stay clean? You get dirty without even trying. Cleanliness requires a repeated effort. It doesn't just happen. It's more of a challenge than the alternative. Someone who manages to stay clean or pure should be honored, not pitied. It isn't easy to resist suggestive humor to the extent that you don't even get it. As they say, if you go with the flow you'll end up in a mud puddle at the bottom of the hill. Until now, I've been picking the lazy way out and, stupidly, being proud of that choice.

Lastly, I feel like God's reminding me how cynical I've become and how far I've gotten from a simple, childlike trust in Him. I like to think of how children watch movies (even kids movies) and their parents laugh at what seems like random times to them because they don't get all the nuances yet. I used to glory in being "the adult" no matter what movie it was, but God tells us His kingdom belongs to little children (Luke 18:16) and you must be like them to get into it (Matthew 18:3, Mark 10:15).

A reflection on having and being given more

Looking for a specific Bible verse, I typed "to the one who has" into google, and as usual I thought all the suggestions that popped up after I added each word were really interesting. But what was most interesting of all was the fact that the verse I was searching for is found not once, not twice, but thrice in the gospels. This was news to me. The three places are Matthew 13:12, Matthew 25:29, and Mark 4:25. *Edit. That wasn't even true. It's four times. (F'rice?) The website I used had cross-references; it also showed Luke 8:18 and Luke 19:26. Well, both make five. And if you count John 15:2 about how the branch that bears no fruit is cut off, and those that bear fruit are pruned to be more fruitful, that's at least six times. I'm going to stop looking for more, but I think those (at least) six passages make it clear that it's a super important concept. That's a ton, a TON, of times to repeat the same exact idea in basically or exactly the same words. And that's all four gospels, too!

The NIV translations are all identical except one leaves out the word abundance: "Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."

Other translations differ slightly between references, and they make it clear that this abundance, this having, generally refers to knowledge, insight, understanding of mysterious and lofty things. One interpretation makes it sound like it has to do with using well what is given, rather than doing nothing with it. But I am going to focus on another reading.

I started working out recently, and it's been pretty great so far. I definitely wasn't expecting to say that. I thought I'd say it's been a struggle, because that had been my experience with working out in the past. But instead, I find that I like it. I actually have way more energy than I did before. I am motivated to take the stairs instead of the elevator, or to jump up and down with both feet just because. And yesterday, I could tell my body wanted to work out. It was literally like a puppy that wants to go for a walk, like, "are we going to the gym? please?" and I was all, "sorry, we don't have time today, and I decided to go every other day; we'll go tomorrow!" I'm not even sure how I could tell this, because I can assure you my body and I don't usually have conversations like this, but somehow it was definitely the case.

It made me think, I almost never wanted to work out before I decided to just start one day. But now that I have (started), instead of finding that I am more tired from exercising, I have more energy and more motivation. When I didn't have any working out, even my motivation was taken from me, and when I did have some working out, bonus motivation was added to me without that even having been my intention.

Additionally, I have read (and I believe) that when you exercise regularly, you naturally start wanting more healthful foods, and cravings for unhealthy food are slightly suppressed. This is yet another bonus or addition to "the one who has". If you're out of shape and not working out, what you have could be taken from you by your hunger for tasty but unhealthy food.

I have also come to realize something in the past few days. I'd realized this many, many times before, but I appreciate it more now than ever. The very best advice you can give to someone regarding their prayer life and, well, several other things in life (exercise, often) is this: just show up. And don't let anything stop you from showing up. Including, maybe especially, your own thoughts or doubts. Don't measure your results in minutes or days, but trust in the process and let the results take care of themselves as you faithfully keep persisting at whatever it is you want to see growth in. Daily intention and daily effort is the cause (because you'll be given more) and result (because it's a grace of God that you are able to carry it out) of a truly successful life.