Deep Grief

Reading Joel, I came across the passage, "Mourn like a virgin in sackcloth grieving for the betrothed of her youth" (1:8). All the recent news of weddings/engagements of so, so many people from Wheaton made me appreciate this metaphor even more than usual. People are so excited about their futures together, about planning and the love that they already have now and want to have more of in the coming years of their lives. They probably feel certain that this is the person God hand picked for them to spend the rest of their life with. The verse is like, what if due to some tragedy, instead of a wedding there was a funeral? The anguish would be made a million times worse by the happy anticipation it replaces.

But then I thought, well if you never ended up marrying the person at all, would that be a relief at all? Would it be a little worse to lose your actual spouse, and/or the parent of your children? And that line of thinking made me remember sitting in a car with a few people and discussing whether it would be worse to accidentally kill your child or your lover. I think the answer to that one is pretty obvious: they are both terrible so it doesn't matter.

What all those things have in common, though, is that they represent among the darkest possible of human experience. Especially because it's so unexpected and thus seemingly so meaningless or accidental. Everyone has pain, but this type of loss seems pretty clearly worse than the other kinds.

So I have looked for a silver lining. I obviously would still never wish this stuff on anyone, just to be clear. But I think maybe the benefit to losing everything and hitting rock bottom is the freedom. I once read, [paraphrase] "Once I was dead, I didn't care about my wallet. I gave it away to the first person I saw."

If your entire perception of reality was flipped on its head, you would be free of all the stupid stuff that keeps the rest from doing what they really love. A person who had been through that kind of deep grief would literally be forced to find a reason to keep living and to keep loving. I don't know if the average person will ever find that reason. Often we kind of only do what we have to, to get by. I think it's fully possible (though sad) that someone could float through their whole life without really being free of vague fears that keep them from living the fullest life possible. Deep down, I really do think the only way to truly fail at life is not to try (to clarify, that "failed" attempts would be a form of success by putting the focus on the word "attempts"), but we let dumb things stop us, like pride or fear (which tends to be related to pride, too).

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning." -Ivy Baker Priest

I think this is where the idea of dying to self comes from.. Dead people are not worried about whether they look cool anymore.

Again, I repeat, I haven't had such an extreme experience, and I would never say someone ought to, but since they do happen, they can be dealt with in a way that brings more life and more joy and more freedom.

Also from Joel: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten" [the Lord replied to them]. (2:25a).