What we look at says more about us than what we look like.

Some of those bright motivational posters for children say, “It’s what’s inside that counts!” I propose that, alternately, what we take in is more important than both our outsides and our insides. Because it’s a choice. People act like their life happens to them, and it partially does, but I think your true life is defined by what you decide to do about it, not by what happens. It’s like all the metaphors about hands you’re dealt and making lemonade. Life handing lemons is the test, and lemonade, your answers, are more you than the exam questions. Isn’t that true of a real test; which part is written in your handwriting?

Jesus said what you eat isn’t what makes you unclean, but I totally think that proves my point.

Mark 7 begins with a story of the Pharisees criticizing Jesus’ disciples for not washing their hands before they ate. Then Jesus lectures the Pharisees for holding too tightly to tradition and thus missing the point. In Mark 7:14-16, Jesus “again called the crowd to him and said, 'Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside you can defile you by going into you. Rather, it is what comes out of you that defiles you.'” When the disciples ask him to explain, he accuses them of being dull (“willfully stupid” in the Message), and explains the rationale in v 19: “For it doesn’t go into your heart but into your stomach, and then out of your body.”

Even the Message translation holds to this same point: “Don’t you see that what you swallow can’t contaminate you? It doesn’t enter your heart but your stomach, works its way through the intestines, and is finally flushed.”

I think it’s pretty clear by this passage that something that actually does enter your heart has the potential to contaminate you. And of course, there’s Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” The Message says, “you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”

I think we sometimes buy into this idea that we can control what we are on the inside. I’m not so sure I agree. Haven’t you ever had an unwelcome thought? I’ve had more than I could possibly ever hope to count. Unwelcome means uninvited, and therefore I didn’t control its presence in my mind. We’re all born with internal, invisible traits we may or may not like.

Even Jesus couldn’t do all He did without a good influence, something to watch and fill his mind with, the most true, noble lovely, pure, admirable, beautiful, gracious, compelling, best, praise-worthy being that has ever existed:

John 5:19-20 -“Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself, he can do only what he sees the Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones said that spiritual depression is mainly "due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself."

I realized this last part last night. I have this desire to regularly meet with a woman who is older than I am, just to talk to her about life. I apparently had this desire when I was in Paris, too, because in retrospect I totally did that, I just showed up at her office (granted, she was a youth pastor) a bunch of times and we talked. Last night I tried to ask this woman from church if we could get a meal some time, but really I used the word for sometimes, and either way, it doesn't matter because her response wasn't the desired, "of course! I know what you mean," even though I tried to explain why I was asking, it was more like, "sure, but you should just hang out with my son at my house if you're lonely."

Afterward I felt awkward for asking because I felt misunderstood and even a touch creepy, and I had to tell myself over and over again that it's really not that big of a deal that I asked, that she knows there's a language barrier, and ultimately, whatever she did end up thinking about it (or more likely, not thinking about it), I will not necessarily ever know so the fact remains that either way I need to quickly accept that it happened and move on from it. That was me talking to myself, even coaching myself if you will, with a chant of, "It's not a big deal, everything is fine, you can let it go." But that is not what I would think if I were listening to myself. If I were listening to myself, I'd hear, "you are SO creepy right now. She probably really doesn't want to hang out with you, and is too busy anyway, and is trying to foist you off on her son, and did I mention how awkward it is that you just asked to meet up with her for more than one meal even though you just met recently and don't even remember her first name?" (Connection time: those thoughts, coming out of me, want to defile me, like in the Mark 7 passage.)

One last thing. My mom never let me watch Friends growing up (to this day, I've never seen a full episode, or really enjoyed it-- maybe there's still a sour feeling attached to it) or lots of other things (she was so upset when she caught me trying to watch 40 days and 40 nights once after she'd gone to bed) and she was so against Gossip Girl that she confiscated the books I received for Christmas and complained that the TV show was TRASH when I mentioned it once. She believed something called GIGO- garbage in, garbage out. I still deeply resent this saying, and it's very, very begrudgingly that I admit it's spot on and if I ever have a kid I'm not letting them watch anything either.

Last thing, I promise: this is embarrassing, but I've heard lots of other people do it, too. When I am thinking about something hard enough, or imagining something, my face starts to reflect it. Seriously if I think about someone asking me a question I would say yes to, I start to smile and nod without meaning to. This can happen when I am reading a book, or at lots of other times. This proves to me that we are actually interacting deeply with our surroundings, and with our imaginations, even if we pretend not to be.