Cain and Abel used to bother me.

Yesterday in church I realized it bugged me that God seemed to accept Abel and reject Cain. Doesn't Acts 10:34-35 tell us that he's "no respecter of persons" (depending on your translation)? Doesn't 1 Peter 1:17 say the Father judges impartially, and are we not instructed to imitate God by doing "nothing out of favoritism" in 1 Timothy 5:21? And in James 3:17 the wisdom that comes from heaven is lots of things, and one of them is impartial.

But before I had even had time to think of those (I mean, who needs references to know God is fair, right?) I realized that I was overlooking part of the story. Genesis 4:4-5 says, "The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor." Not just Abel and Cain themselves. So Cain gets mad and sad (my paraphrase of Genesis 4:5b) and God, being a considerate person, asks him why. "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?"

I admit there's a lot going on in the original story that I don't understand, because I don't know if there's some significance to the difference between offering animals and plants (one has blood and includes death?) and I know that Abel kept flocks for a living, and Cain grew stuff, so what does that say about 2 Corinthians 8:12 "For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have"? But I think I know the answer already. It specifies right in the passage, "if the willingness is there."

The reading of the Cain and Abel story that does not bother me is as follows: Cain's and Abel's offerings have modern-day parallels that I can understand. Another word for offering in this case will be sacrifice. Modern-day sacrifices include all sorts of things. Like:

- sacrificing your right to speak up and defend yourself all the time (Jesus set us an example of this in 1 Peter 2:23, and it is every bit as relevant today as ever);

- sacrificing whatever amount of time you set aside daily for prayer, listening to God and reading Scripture;

- sacrificing watching movies or TV or listening to music that feels really good but also sort of tears apart your soul a little bit by setting a bad example (okay, I am referring to Gossip Girl);

- sacrificing the unlimited free music you could be having by choosing to pay out of respect for musicians;

- sacrificing your American Dream to pursue something less glam and impressive for Jesus' sake and the sake of the broken (example: doing that thing where you put a cap on your earnings and give the rest away);

- sacrificing a tenth of your dinero to give to church;

- sacrificing making out too much or at the wrong time in the interest of purity and showing you trust God that He's better than making out out of season.

and.. the examples are probably infinite, but those are what I came up with on the spot. If you were wondering, the making out one is my favorite example, lol. And I'd consider those to all be pretty good sacrifices. Sacrifices that are supernaturally motivated when you decide you want to honor God and ask Him for the strength to make them. I realize there are way bigger things to give up, and also way smaller. But I think the listed examples all require faith that there's more to life than what we can see. Hebrews 11:4 says that, "By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did." So I can believe that in my modern-day parallel story, Abel's sacrifice, his offering, was something like one of those or better. And as for Cain, well, his offering was probably more like the day you forgot to bring lunch with you and there's nowhere you can buy it so you realize halfway through being hungry that technically it could probably be referred to as a fast, and that's what you offer. Cain's sacrifice was probably like giving your last leftovers to God instead of the firstfruits He both wants and deserves way more than you, anyway. It doesn't take faith, because you didn't really do anything differently in your life because of it.

Frankly, I often have trouble with the binaries, or lack thereof, in the world. It's far easier to understand life in black and white. But God is a person, and like any person, doesn't fit into any kind of formula or predictability. So it's His divine right (and in this case, who could blame Him anyway?) to look favorably upon some offerings and not upon others. Some offerings are better, some come from a deeper place in the heart and thus contain more of us. More of our will, because they reflect more of the giver's intention (if I didn't already tell you, I think will and intention are the deepest part of someone's being). To use a dumb example, think of the difference between someone giving you store-bought cookies and home-baked ones. Sure, they are both cookies. And even if they taste the same (I think we all know the home-baked ones would be better in a non-hypothetical situation), heck, even if the home ones are worse, you will probably look more favorably on the ones that someone took time to plan and bake for you, which they did not have to do (evidenced by the fact that there is such a thing as store-bought cookies).

The rough part for me is that I can easily imagine myself in Cain's place: someone else totally spends more time with God, and I am jealous that they seem to be receiving more from Him. Well, should I be surprised by this? If I gave up what they have to pursue Jesus, would I not receive the riches I see them with?

Lastly, there's a verse somewhere (thought it was in James or Corinthians, but couldn't find it, and Google didn't help at all) about how we kill people or are mean to them or something not because of how bad they are, but how bad we are (awful, awful paraphrase I know). And this seemed relevant, and I would've added it if I could've.

Something I will never change my mind about

I prefer thinking in absolutes, but of course this is usually impractical. That doesn't keep me from looking for things I can just say and not have to qualify, or things I can devote myself to being without feeling like I have to be careful not to be too much of that thing.

I am very happy to announce that I found another one. I really loathe the expression, "lifelong learner" for some reason (too alliterative?), so I'm shortening it to "learner". There are a few reasons it's everlastingly appropriate to commit to being a learner. First of all, we'll never know everything, so we'll never, ever be like, "oops, I'm done early, what should I be now?" Secondly, in his book Onething, Sam Storms writes about how even angels in heaven are always learning. He mentions how in 1 Peter 1:12 they desire to look into the things of redemption. He goes on about continued learning in heaven for a while, saying there's always more about God to learn, and our perfect happiness will yet "always [be] subject to improvement," oh, and that our learning on earth is a foundation for all we will learn in the afterlife. So, apparently learning will be fun.

Another thing about learning is this quote by Abraham Lincoln: "I don't think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday." Well, I don't know about you, but I would want Abraham Lincoln to think well of me (assuming he was using the gender-encompassing form of "man," that is).

Lastly, and bestly, the idea of always learning gives me a great framework for interacting with super annoying people. I wish I could remember the source of this last idea; it certainly wasn't me. It suggested that you view every interaction as though the other person were divinely sent into your path to teach you something new and enlighten you in a way only they could. People who say provoking things were sent to teach you to be patient and kind in spite of obstacles, people who need help were sent to show you how to lovingly offer aid, etc etc. It sounds cheesy, but just wait until you're face-to-face with someone who doesn't seem to like, get it. If you can step back just long enough to reframe it as a chance for you to improve your people skills, a personal lesson (free tuition!) that no one else is getting, it actually helps.

Some days feel useless, especially during the summer, but I can honestly say I have learned something every day since I graduated, which means every day so far, even without realizing it, I have lived into my self-assigned role of learner, and that is a relief. And Abraham Lincoln would be pleased.

Heart washing

We talked in my church a while ago about Proverbs 3:27, which is something like, "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he," and how what you believe defines your reality rather than the other way around.

Many people secretly fear everyone else is laughing at them silently, or just humoring them by being (or pretending to be) their friend. But fixing this problem won't come from researching ways to avoid ridicule, by being funnier or smarter or faster, but instead by acknowledging that if someone is laughing at you, that's really their decision, and deciding that you will not let real or imagined laughter determine your decisions in life. (Like in my last post: it's not in discovering an answer but in realizing the question needs some work).

In the first ever post of this blog, I said something about how human life is always physically messy. I found something in 1 Peter today that was awesomely related. 1 Peter 3:21 is about baptism: "and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also--not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience before God..." In this particular case, action is secondary to thought and intention. The action of cleaning oneself off is less important than the decision to think rightly (think cleanly/clearly?) about the world. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. If his body is dirty, but his mind is clean, he is clean.

I've been reading a fantastic book lately (when I have time). Spiritual Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather is like reading my own journal, except often with fresh thoughts I've never had. [side note: His simple statement that it's possible to gossip without malice was a pleasant epiphany for me.] Last night I read, "we spend all this time in the morning trying to look prepared--getting the hair right, the clothes right--but we leave home with our minds in disarray."

He talked about how "our physical appearance and outward behavior are everything to the ego, while the thoughts behind our actions are of little concern. Yet in reality, we dwell in our minds, not our actions [...] On a spiritual path, [...] form is secondary to content. So if I find myself preoccupied with the question of what to say or do, I am already caught up in the ego. Release the question and let God do the thinking. [...] There is no question about an action taken in peace." That might sound a little intense, but I am so with this guy when he says that. I buy it when people say our choices have to come from peace. That's a conversation for another time though. I hope the connection with inner/outer cleanness is obvious. Baptism is important as a representation of the state of the inner mind, not primarily as a physical washing. It's the invisible kind of getting ready in the morning.