If you are not too long...

...I will wait here for you all my life. -Oscar Wilde

[source]

Today an episode of Futurama made me cry. I thought that I was just being extra sensitive lately (yesterday I burst into tears five separate times) but in fact that was not necessarily the case today, as I am about to prove. I wanted to find a picture for this post, and when I began my search I was surprised how much Google Instant filled in for me; I clearly wasn’t the first to look for it. I came across the episode’s Wikipedia page and saw that a critic described the ending as, “one of the saddest endings to a television program that I have ever seen.” A TV critic. I’d assume this man has seen his fair share of television programs, and of sad endings. So that made me feel better, but what really clinched it was the enormous amount of commenters on some site (and also below the youtube video) talking about how this made them cry, even though many of them said they weren’t the crying type, or hadn’t cried in five years or whatever. So in this particular case, it’s definitely not just me.

SPOILER ALERT, I’m going to ruin this 2002 episode of Futurama. I don’t feel that bad about it because the rest of the episode wasn’t that great (my overall personal take on this show is that it’s very hit or miss, but mostly miss) and it’s not like you were planning to see it anyway.

So, for necessary background, the character Fry was living in New York in 1999 when on New Year’s Eve of that year he accidentally fell into a thing (a freezer? A time machine? Who cares) that sent him to the year 3000, where he made new friends, etc. Life in the year 3000 is the show’s basic premise. In this particular episode (it’s called “Jurassic Bark”—very classy) Fry and his self-centered robot best friend visit a museum exhibit that happens to be of the pizza place where Fry was working in 1999. They see a few artifacts Fry recognizes, and then a gray dog-shaped fossil. Fry gasps when he realizes who this is: his loyal dog, Seymour, who was his best friend at the time he was suddenly sent to the future with no warning. Through flashbacks you see how close the two of them were. Examples: after rescuing the dog from starvation, Fry says something like, "you're nice, you don't judge me like other dogs do," (my translation from French) and they have a song they sing/bark together.

Bref, I mean, anyway, Fry's doctor friend says he can clone the dog, and that they can even restore his personality, and even his memory to the moment that he died. Fry is SO excited about this idea and buys his dog a collar and a bed and everything in preparation. The robot gets jealous of the attention (and the collar) and throws the fossil in lava, but then rescues it, this just serves to heighten the suspense, and then the moment of truth arrives and they begin the cloning process. First they see that Seymour was age 15 when he died. When Fry sees this, he decides not to go through with it, reasoning that he knew Seymour when he was three, so the dog had had 12 years to move on, find a different master, live a full life. He says, "surely he's forgotten all about me." This is sort of a touching/selfless idea, and who would want to be resurrected old?

It seems like the end of the episode. But then there's one more flashback. Seymour never moved on at all. He sat outside the pizza place every day for twelve years, in all kinds of weather, a fact made most poignant when you see the pizza chef grow old, with white hair, and the pizza place close and get boarded up. He waited for Fry for the rest of his life at the place they last saw each other. Finally Seymour lies down, just once, and closes his eyes and the episode ends. I'm tearing up just typing about it. (It's very findable on youtube but I don't think it would be as good without the more detailed backstory provided by the episode).

I think the idea that really got me was that after all, Seymour would have LOVED to see Fry. Even if it were just for a little while before he would die again, even just one moment. That would have made his life complete in a sense. Yet Fry didn't give him this chance because he was trying to be nice, because he didn't know any better.

When I (and/or others) have a really strong emotional reaction to something, I try to find some sort of way that the emotion-triggering-thing can relate to universal ideas, and/or to God.

In my opinion, a surefire trigger (if done well, of course) is this idea of two ships passing. Sometimes it's two people who physically occupy the same space, but in Grey's Anatomy and The Golden Compass it can also be people who are in a physical space that overlaps but that is spiritually a different/alternate dimension and thus at least one of the people has no way to see, hear, or feel the other person, though they might somehow sense their presence, a little, for a moment.

"All day long I have held out my hands to an obstinate people," -Isaiah 65:2a

I don't see God as a stray dog who waits for us outside a pizza place. Honest, I don't. But if this animated rescued-stray dog's 12 year waiting made me cry, then how much more powerful is it when God waits for us? Waits for we who were created to wait on him. He waits with open arms for his children to turn to him, and many of them never sense this. They never see that in their very own universe (not even an alternate one!) Someone holds out their hands, hoping for a response. I don't have an extremely clear picture of my theological beliefs in this area as regards every human who has ever lived, but I will say confidently that, at least some of the time, God waits for us, eager to share life with us. And his patience and forbearance are beyond all measurement or compare.

If we only knew how attentive God is towards us, even when we do not sense him at all. If we only saw all the ways he blesses us that we're not even aware of. "The Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" (Isaiah 30:18)

I think these words are at the heart of the emotion for me: "If you only knew!" Someone could be praying for you right now, asking God for exactly that thing you need. You could be showing hospitality to an angel (Hebrews 13:2, lol). You could be days away from your next big break. Someone could be writing you a letter, or something could already be in the mail for you. Someone across the world, your next best friend, could be making the decision about what they'll do next in life, that will bring them into your neighborhood.

A closing thought. At prayer meeting tonight, our pastor mentioned that reading the Bible all the way through is something that should be completed by at least 1-3 years after someone gives their life to Christ. He's right, and I am not in any way denying that. But 1-3 years? How patient God is. I think the length of the Bible shows it as much as anything. God doesn't expect us to read the entire Bible in one day. Nor does he ask us to panic about it if we haven't finished yet. It's not about being finished reading the Bible, it's about reading the Bible every day. God just doesn't see time as we do: "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but wanting everyone to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:8-9)

God, thank you for allowing me to glimpse your truth and the beauty of faithfulness today through a scruffy cartoon dog.

God's Day Planner

I always feel like you have to pick between God who wants to bless YOU and God who wants YOU to bless EVERYONE ELSE. For blessings, some Jesus-followers tend to make much of things like, "Thank you God that I got to eat pumpkin pie today and it was a nice surprise," and in a way this feels almost shallow, or even too good to be true. I realize that God blessing you and you blessing others are not mutually exclusive, and neither takes priority, I suppose, though that sometimes seems impossible. But the truth is, God really does want to bless you, and he gives gifts of all sizes. Just because he likes you. And loves you.

This picture I've posted made me cry big surprise tears one night as I was rushing through this French comic book* so I could return it to the family that loaned it to me. It's a robot reading the day planner of his creator. I will (loosely) translate it for you. Whenever it says Robi, trade it for your own name, and when it says Sakapus, insert the name of your pet.

Monday the 19th

-Try to talk to Robi in a dream.

-Shine a ray of sun in his room and send a bird to his window to make his heart rejoice.

-Give Sarkapus an urgent need so Robi meets someone awesome instead of staying inside all day.

-Organize a meeting between Robi and someone who knows my address. (Lack of available staff!)

-Allow a circumstance that helps Robi learn to always look on the bright side.

-Save Robi's life. (Discretely.) [Accompanied by a picture of a bus almost hitting him.]

-Give him a nice moment with a friend from work that will turn into a great memory.

-Visit him inconspicuously.

Tuesday the 20th

Robi needs sleep!

-Instead of the sun and bird this time, inspire the neighbor to sing funny to cheer Robi up.

-Move the box Adeline forgot on the stairs so Robi doesn't fall.

-Inspire a phone call from a friend to restore his morale.

-Write to Robi.

-Find Robi a wife who really loves him. (Roba?)

-Keep him from meeting Pat, a bad influence; block the way.

-Make sure his book is where he'll easily find it.

Man, and this is just a made-up comic book. And those are not even that many things. What if in real life God has hundreds of things in mind for us each day? Bet you he does. :o)

-

*The French are the biggest comic-book readers after the Japanese. In a huge bookstore on the busy, centrally-located Boulevard St. Michel in Paris, the entire entry-level floor is dedicated to comic books. Yes, there's a fair amount of manga. The Japanese are the biggest, after all.

All or Nothing

A few weeks ago, one of my roommates read in a book that a psychologist could predict how well a marriage will fare after just 15 minutes of watching the couple. They predicted with great accuracy whether the couple would divorce just from seeing them interact for that short amount of time.

When she relayed this to me, I was totally not surprised. I have (had? past tense?) this tenuous idea that we live each moment the way we want to, over and over again, almost regardless of our outward circumstances. It's similar logic to that study that showed people are about the same level of happiness for their whole lives. It's like that saying, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it.

Unfortunately, that idea has some flaws. Notably, I've been having a sort of weird couple of weeks. During the past school year I felt great about where all my time was going. I spent tons of time with people I loved, and I felt like most of my time (apart from the odd Saturday..) was purposeful and productive and helpful for the long term. So I was happy to drift deeper and deeper into the idea that I had just reached a new height of understanding in life, and I would never go back, and I had an enormous amount of control over my life, because I alone could decide my reaction to it.

Basically I decided that I must act in a consistent way at all times, not only a consistent way but a way that I will be glad I lived in the future. I reasoned that if I string together awesome seconds, the result will be an awesome life. That's great logic! I'm a great logician. Enter real life.

Now that I feel sort of unsettled some of the time, sort of vaguely disconnected from God (probably because my job has kept me from going to church for 3 of the past 4 Sundays), and less like He is speaking to me (because I've been sort of doubting I can hear Him the way I once thought I could), and most of all, just.. like... ready for the next big thing; now that all that is true, I can't just be like "I'm fine if every day for the rest of my life is like this day." Or insert "moment" for "day."

Thus, this new idea I just scribbled in my planner as a note-to-self: "It's okay that some days and moments are darker than others, and it's more than okay--it's accurate--to know you're walking into eternal brightness and each day can get brighter and brighter into eternity."

Things will ebb and flow, but I know that the more I know Jesus, the more light He will bring into my life. It will be a good thing if not every day is like this day, because they will be sweeter as I come to know more of God's character, even if my surface level emotions don't always reflect the deeper joy.

If that sounds cheesy, just know that I really believe it. If it helps, I don't think life naturally tends to get better for everyone. In fact, I think it gets worse if we don't fight the encroaching darkness. I specifically think things will improve in the context of coming to personally know Jesus Christ. Like Romans 8:28, I think things work together for the good of those who love God & have been called according to His purposes. But sadly, the verse doesn't sound like it's saying all things work together for the good of every single person.

Psalm 36:9 promises light to those who look: "For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light." (NIV) Other versions say things like "by your light we see light" and The Message says, " You're a fountain of cascading light, and you open our eyes to light."

I am happy it doesn't have to be all or nothing, that my eyes can and will get a little more open every day as they get stronger and can handle more light.

What we are in the dark

We are only what we are in the dark; all the rest is reputation. What God looks at is what we are in the dark—the imaginations of our minds; the thoughts of our heart; the habits of our bodies; these are the things that mark us in God’s sight. The Love of God—The Ministry of the Unnoticed, 669 L

This is from Oswald Chambers, author of My Utmost for His Highest.

1 Samuel 16:7 says "The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

"Baby cause in the dark
you can't see shiny cars
and that's when you need me there
with you I'll always share"
-Umbrella: The-Dream, Christopher Stewart, Kuk Harrell, and Jay-Z (as made famous by Rihanna)

It seems really Gnostic or something to say that all we are is spirit, but that's all we are. I mean we definitely inhabit bodies, but those bodies are not necessarily a reflection of who we are. We didn't choose them. Sometimes I just look in the mirror and cannot believe that is what people see when they look at me. I can't believe how easily this body I live in bruises, and as recently as five minutes ago I discovered something new about my nose that I had literally never noticed before in my two decades plus of seeing this face in reflective surfaces.

I know God sees all, which is to say he sees both outside and inside, but a metaphor to help me understand what he sees is that our exterior is utterly transparent to him. He sees right through all the things that are opaque enough to others to fool them if we want to.

I read something insightful today: "One reason we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.” -Steven Furtick

But God doesn't see anyone as a highlight reel, even if we become deluded enough to see ourselves that way.

I guess I'm writing because this thought is sort of convicting to me. Sloppy thinking is worse than having a messy room. What matters is the kind of housekeeping we do on the inside. Do we let things sit around until they're rotting? Do we let bad ideas run rampant like disobedient children, screaming and breaking things, because we're too lazy to step up, or are we good disciplinarians? Do we forget to plan (metaphor: um, go grocery shopping?) until it's too late and it makes us late for stuff?

The best part of this is that its about as equal opportunity as it gets. We all have a mind, and we all have thoughts and decisions, no matter what we look like and no matter the physical state of our bodies. May we remember to get to know the content of our friends minds and their desires rather than just the way they would be seen by strangers.

Not by what he sees with his eyes...

Isaiah 11:3 says, "...and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears." I think we assume this is referring to Jesus, but even if somehow it were not, we know this is a good guy because he delights in the fear of the Lord. That = the right thing to do.

Hebrews 11:27 is talking about Moses leaving Egypt and it says, "...he persevered, because he saw him who is invisible."

As an ENFP, a big thing about me is my passion for possibilities. I tend to see things as they could be, and get really excited about what is not, but what could be. As I've been visiting many of the rooms of Fischer and some in Mac for my summer job, I really see this. My eyes see that each room is blank, stripped completely bare, but my mind sees adorable room setups and unlimited potential. I wish I had lived in a triple anywhere because they are so cute, but more specifically, I wish I had been a boy so I could have lived in one of the triples on the end of the east wing of Fischer, or on T7, where you can see everything from up high and it's beautiful. I wish I had lived in Mac seven times so I could try out each of the different kinds of rooms and each different possible view from the windows, which are all shapes and sizes and look out over different buildings in different directions. Don't get me started on Williston.

I think a person misses a lot of life, and a lot of what's important, when they don't acknowledge the unseen. I do need to be clear and say that the "unseen but real" is not exactly the same thing as "the possible," but they do overlap.

The Bible teaches us that the wise person is the person who does not make decisions based on present circumstances, which flare away like dry paper in a fire, but instead makes their decisions based on God, who is changeless and everlastingly loving. We're allowed to dream big because of God; he always dreams bigger anyway.

I don't always see my dreams come to fruition, but as cheesy as it sounds, I honestly believe that's because God's dreams are bigger/more awesome than mine, and it's His that I get to live out instead whenever I am willing to let mine go.

I'm pleased that wisdom means seeing beyond what's visible, sometimes even beyond what's really there. I can't help but do that already. Too bad there is more to wisdom than that.

One more thing:

"If you treat an individual how he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be." -Johann Wolfgang von Goeth

I don't know where this quote is from, but I think Mr. von Goeth is right, and furthermore, I think this can apply to all kinds of things, even whole situations. This is kind of the whole deal with faith, right? Believing for something brings it into being. We've all seen too many examples of this idea seeming to fail to believe the power of believing is limitless. But I think it should be and maybe can be.