Didn't You Agree to Work for a Denarius?

"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
  "About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' So they went.
  "He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'
  "'Because no one has hired us,' they answered.
  "He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'
  "When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his supervisor, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'
  "The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'
  "But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?'
  "So the last will be first, and the first will be last."
-Matthew 20:1-16

So, it's confession time for me. I'm not going to confess that I haven't updated this blog in over ten months: that is obvious, and isn't a sin :o). During those months, by the way, I moved to New Hampshire and began "working" for a Christian healing community. Working is in quotes because while there's more work than I'd ever done in my life, I'm technically a missionary and the monthly stipend I receive isn't working wages so much as a little boost in the direction of survival.

No, my confession is that, as I have a long-standing tendency to do, I have been comparing myself to other people and being dissatisfied or grumbly. I sometimes try to couch it in humor or snark, but when I am honest I know I've been genuinely displeased that other peoples' jobs here in this community seem to be easier or better than mine. (Just to be super clear, I'm not displeased about the money part.) I've also begun to hope that with so many staff leaving, I'll be able to change my job. My current job includes doing whatever I am told to do (whatever odd job needs doing around here) and cleaning the same three buildings every day. Well, six days a week. On a rotating basis sometimes. Not in that order. The cleaning tends to come first. And most importantly, leading small crews of people in this work. That is what I find most difficult.

Oh, also I get jealous of people who are good at counseling. I think it's something I want to be good at, but it might take a lot of work for me. It's not really one of my natural giftings, I'm learning. But this is a setting where people with those gifts really shine and can make an obvious difference in peoples' lives.

But I was talking to my mentor in our mentoring session this week and I had a little epiphany. It involved me remembering back to when I applied to come here. It was analogous to the question, "Didn't you agree to work for a denarius?" I realized that about a year ago when I was applying to serve at this ministry, I never said I would be good at it. I wanted to be better at mentoring and counseling, but I was never promised (by God, I guess) that I would suddenly be amazing. I just told God if they let me work here, I would. That's all. I knew it would be tons of work; no one ever hid or disguised that from me. There was never any expectation of more, or different, than tons of work all year long. I knew God would sustain me through the unpleasant seasons, and He has. I only began to be dissatisfied was when I actually arrived here and looked at others and saw what they have that I do not, or responsibilities they don't have to fulfill that I agreed to.

I have been grumbling against my landowner. And He replies, "Friend, I am not being unfair to you." (v. 13) He asks me, "Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?" (v. 15)

Seeing other people possess something is not a legitimate reason for me to begin wanting it. I am not entitled to generosity (though I quickly add that's what I've been given anyway), but God will fulfill every promise He's made to me. Yet I'd better know what those promises are and what they are not, and under what conditions they are promised. Example: He doesn't promise me a more enjoyable job after I've put in some time at an unpleasant job. He doesn't promise me I can be good at all the things I think I should be good at to be good at life. There's a large spectrum of gifts, spiritual and otherwise, and He is clear that He doesn't give us all the same ones.

And, yes, I am envious because He is generous, frankly. But I have hope that as He works in my heart, I'll be able to be glad that he is generous, and happy for people who have things that I want. And to answer the other question, I do know He has a right to do what He wants with His own money. It's His, and I know in my head that I would not be a fairer boss than Him, even if I had money.

Lastly, I think this might be one of those parables where we're tempted to think of ourselves as the early workers when really we're the last workers hired, and so we do actually want God to be as generous to those last people as we are those last people. I get that. I'm just glad that Scripture can have multiple applications, because really, otherwise why would it be a parable and not just a recounting of a story?

Dirty Jokes and God in Nature

I've always loved the metaphor of God illuminating the universe the way the sun illuminates earth. We'd be hopeless and lightless without Him, and He gives us life so naturally that we take Him for granted at times. Also there is not one thing we could do to stop Him from giving to us, though we could build somewhere we could hide in the shade, though we'd do that by the light of the sun, aka by the life and creativity He shares with us. Then there are places like caves that are not man-made but are naturally ways to escape the light, or, like, places we could go that are not conducive to receiving light and life. But that's a digression. The thing I hadn't thought of before is that nighttimes are not an accident. It's not as though something has gone horribly awry each night and we need to panic. Because the sun always comes up again, we simply trust that it will the next morning and sleep in peace.

If God seems distant for a time, that doesn't mean that we need to freak out and start trying to "relight the sun" by our own power. There are just different seasons for different things. We need to live and trust as though He's going to come back, because He will. Even on cloudy days when the sun is hidden, it's still the way we can see everything, even if we can't see it. And lastly, the moon gives light on most nights, but the moon is only reflecting the sun.

I see this-all (God sort of resembles self-evident things we can understand) as related but not the same as Romans 1:20 (NLT:) For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

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Now for dirty jokes. First of all, I think those are the funniest jokes. But I had a great conversation today that made me rethink some stuff. I went to a public high school, and because of that, I am aware of some humor that many home-schoolers (or people raised in a really restrictive home environment) will never understand (this is not me being sassy, it's a fact). This humor almost certainly falls under the category of coarse talk and foolish joking (Ephesians 5:4). I used to be proud of how I could get almost any joke, no matter how gross, proud of how I knew the normal definitions on urban dictionary (there's plenty of stuff on there that no one ever actually uses, so you can't blindly trust it) and was conversant in how to use them. The reason is because it seems more sophisticated, and, well, intelligent, to be able to understand, and furthermore, appreciate, a higher percentage of what's being said. In a way, I would pity those who didn't get it. A whole world out there they didn't understand, and didn't know they didn't understand.

The friend I spoke to today said something like, one's purity of heart may mean that they understand a smaller percentage of the jokes being made around them. This started me thinking, but better yet, they told an improv story. (Names omitted) She said a visiting university's improv troupe, for whom usually no subject was off limits, did a show at a Christian college. The Christian improvisers warned the visitors, "okay, you have to be squeaky clean here, you can't just say anything" and the visitors agreed. During the joint show, the normally-dirty improvisers had no idea what subjects were okay, so they challenged themselves to stay way away from anything slightly controversial. My friend thinks they were even funnier than the Christians who were fluent in the boundaries and stepped quite close to them, knowing what was fine and what wasn't.

Normally I am not huge on risks and challenges but something about the use of the term "challenge," really... reshuffled my mental cards on this matter (Ha. I've never used that metaphor before, or even heard it, ever, but it's exactly what I mean). Maybe being dirtier is not a sign of being smarter, but a sign of being lazier. Maybe you are not more sophisticated if you get more jokes, but instead you're less discerning. Maybe you're avoiding the real challenge, not rising to one.

After all, we call them dirty jokes, and dirtiness is another of those natural things that are self-evident and easily understood. What's harder, to stay dirty or to stay clean? You get dirty without even trying. Cleanliness requires a repeated effort. It doesn't just happen. It's more of a challenge than the alternative. Someone who manages to stay clean or pure should be honored, not pitied. It isn't easy to resist suggestive humor to the extent that you don't even get it. As they say, if you go with the flow you'll end up in a mud puddle at the bottom of the hill. Until now, I've been picking the lazy way out and, stupidly, being proud of that choice.

Lastly, I feel like God's reminding me how cynical I've become and how far I've gotten from a simple, childlike trust in Him. I like to think of how children watch movies (even kids movies) and their parents laugh at what seems like random times to them because they don't get all the nuances yet. I used to glory in being "the adult" no matter what movie it was, but God tells us His kingdom belongs to little children (Luke 18:16) and you must be like them to get into it (Matthew 18:3, Mark 10:15).

A reflection on having and being given more

Looking for a specific Bible verse, I typed "to the one who has" into google, and as usual I thought all the suggestions that popped up after I added each word were really interesting. But what was most interesting of all was the fact that the verse I was searching for is found not once, not twice, but thrice in the gospels. This was news to me. The three places are Matthew 13:12, Matthew 25:29, and Mark 4:25. *Edit. That wasn't even true. It's four times. (F'rice?) The website I used had cross-references; it also showed Luke 8:18 and Luke 19:26. Well, both make five. And if you count John 15:2 about how the branch that bears no fruit is cut off, and those that bear fruit are pruned to be more fruitful, that's at least six times. I'm going to stop looking for more, but I think those (at least) six passages make it clear that it's a super important concept. That's a ton, a TON, of times to repeat the same exact idea in basically or exactly the same words. And that's all four gospels, too!

The NIV translations are all identical except one leaves out the word abundance: "Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."

Other translations differ slightly between references, and they make it clear that this abundance, this having, generally refers to knowledge, insight, understanding of mysterious and lofty things. One interpretation makes it sound like it has to do with using well what is given, rather than doing nothing with it. But I am going to focus on another reading.

I started working out recently, and it's been pretty great so far. I definitely wasn't expecting to say that. I thought I'd say it's been a struggle, because that had been my experience with working out in the past. But instead, I find that I like it. I actually have way more energy than I did before. I am motivated to take the stairs instead of the elevator, or to jump up and down with both feet just because. And yesterday, I could tell my body wanted to work out. It was literally like a puppy that wants to go for a walk, like, "are we going to the gym? please?" and I was all, "sorry, we don't have time today, and I decided to go every other day; we'll go tomorrow!" I'm not even sure how I could tell this, because I can assure you my body and I don't usually have conversations like this, but somehow it was definitely the case.

It made me think, I almost never wanted to work out before I decided to just start one day. But now that I have (started), instead of finding that I am more tired from exercising, I have more energy and more motivation. When I didn't have any working out, even my motivation was taken from me, and when I did have some working out, bonus motivation was added to me without that even having been my intention.

Additionally, I have read (and I believe) that when you exercise regularly, you naturally start wanting more healthful foods, and cravings for unhealthy food are slightly suppressed. This is yet another bonus or addition to "the one who has". If you're out of shape and not working out, what you have could be taken from you by your hunger for tasty but unhealthy food.

I have also come to realize something in the past few days. I'd realized this many, many times before, but I appreciate it more now than ever. The very best advice you can give to someone regarding their prayer life and, well, several other things in life (exercise, often) is this: just show up. And don't let anything stop you from showing up. Including, maybe especially, your own thoughts or doubts. Don't measure your results in minutes or days, but trust in the process and let the results take care of themselves as you faithfully keep persisting at whatever it is you want to see growth in. Daily intention and daily effort is the cause (because you'll be given more) and result (because it's a grace of God that you are able to carry it out) of a truly successful life.